i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
