he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize