U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize