don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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