and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
