i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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