i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
