Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
