note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
