i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
