I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
