I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
