I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
