is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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