drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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