What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
