I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize