I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
