R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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