I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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