if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize