I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
