I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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