problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize