you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
