Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
