so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
