Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
