quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize