this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
