Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize