And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize