Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
