Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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