You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize