Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
