i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
