Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
