Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
