I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
