How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
