I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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