Duck Duck Cougar?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
