I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
