Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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