I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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