my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
