I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
