I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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