i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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