dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
