my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
