I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
