I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize