also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found your dick twin last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
