Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
