No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize