i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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