I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
