I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
