turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
