everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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