Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
