Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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