he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize