If i come over, it means nothing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
