can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
