i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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