Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
