fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
