i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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