Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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