is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
