im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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