After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
