The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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