I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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