i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
