I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
