We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
