You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
