ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
