Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we made out on top of his cat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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