dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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