that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
BRING THE BAGELS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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