Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
