I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
