am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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