Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
