I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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