I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
