I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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